barbara has left me.

i know i still didn’t tell you how i actually got to meet her but she left me this morning. her husband called, said there’s more snow coming in and that she needs to get out of here. so she packs up her few belongings and leaves to the airport (from where she wants to take the train into town and then to liverpool).

i am shocked. this was not supposed to happen. she has been my rock, i have depended on her. we were in this together and needed each other. and now she is gone.

so now i am alone again. on my own trying to figure out what to do even though there is nothing i can do really. i have cried most of the morning because a person is gone who i met 1.5 days ago. i feel like someone cut off my arm. we had this bond and now she is gone. it is absolutely surreal what i am feeling because i am not someone who is easily attached to someone. i am my own person, i am strong willed, i am resilient, i am smart enough to figure out life on my own. but these past days have transformed me into someone who is constantly on the edge. i cannot rest though i have a bed and though i am tired. if i sleep at all i am only snoozing. my body cannot calm down. i am in a constant state of alert yet at the same time i cannot watch the news without crying or freaking out. i dread on going on weather websites or the airport website because i am just not able to process the news they are giving me without being even more on the edge.

i have never experienced myself like this. it is like i am meeting my weak twin.

franzi

to whomever who found this blog googling “british airways busy signal dec 20″ – sorry to inform you but there will be more busy signals along your way.

sorry for being so negative but that is all i have currently left in me.

franzi