this is me, 7 weeks later

i know i have been neglecting this blog and while i missed blogging here is why nothing happened on here for the past 6? 7? weeks.

going back to grads school is quite a change. i thought it would be easier, to be honest. i knew it was going to be work but at the same time i had a “been there, done that” attitude about it because, hey, i HAVE  been there, i already GOT a masters degree.

boy was i wrong. what i wasn’t aware of is how much school differs from work life. at my workplace there were always interruptions, rarely did you have 30 minutes of uninterrupted focussed work.

well in grad school there is no one calling you constantly or interrupting otherwise. you sit in class for 2.5 hours and your attention is there 100% of the time. you come prepared to class and are ready to prove you are prepared. you are being asked your opinion and you sure don’t want to be the person who has to pass on a question. make that i not you.

so, i want to be prepared. hence i read. a lot. as in A LOT. yes, i knew grad school is reading  but jeez let me tell you the longer you’ve been out of school the more difficult it is to actually read so much academic literature. and since most classes start out with theory i read THEORETICAL papers. i never was a fan of that. if i may quote myself here “i rather deal with livig people than with dead ones” (franzi 2003).

so school is one thing that kept my brain occupied. the other thing is culture shock. i had one of the worst ones this time around and in a way i am still coming to terms with that. not only did i move to another continent, i also moved in with my special someone. that alone would have been enough for a culture shock since i lived by myself for most of my adult life. don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! but it’s definitely an adjustment and food for thought. would i trade it for my life before? heck no. the warm fuzzy feeling i get when i wake up next to him is wonderful (cut me some slack, will ya?! i am in love!).

the other thing i have been dealing with is time management. i’ve been reading for school and enjoying the newfound closeness in my relationship, i’m commuting to campus and to my assistantship. bottomline: i have found no brainpower to socialize. when i was ready to call people no one picked up the phone and that threw me in a loop of “no one cares about me” and that started a whole other set of frustrations…this has gotten better but i’m still working on having a normal life.

what i’m trying to say is that i gave up my live in germany, my hobbies, friends, family. and it has been a rough 7 weeks coming to terms with what that really means. i have a new life that i explore anew every day. i expand my horizon (albeit so far it tends to be a shoppig horizon). i am exploring a to me unknown neighborhood in dc and yes, that includes knowing where the stores are. ;-)

this isn’t a pitty post. i wanted this and i still want it! but it is harder than i thought it would be and i am discovering new aspects within me that are shocking and surprising and oh so much more.

bear with me folks. i will get back to blogging regularly and i will have stories to tell. for now i am still overwhelmed.

franzi

leaving on a jetplane – for real!

it’s 11 pm and my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon. my bags are packed and i guess it’s time for one of my favorite songs (leaving on a jetplane).

there are so many emotions going through my mind right now. i have left my home many times, and my longest stint abroad was 13 months. now i’m looking at at least 3 years…that does make a difference somehow. since i started to work on my dream back in july, i had many meltdowns both because of studying (and being frustrated about my brain just not getting it) and because of my move and because of being overwhelmed in general.

since the idea of going back to grad school popped up in my head and now so much has happened and it feels great to know that i am now actually about to embark on this adventure! sometimes my own courage scares me. i have no idea if that makes sense at all but my adventurous travel-self scares the more down to earth-self in me. that travel-self has been suppressed long enough; it’s time i make use of my passport again!

i’m so nervous i can’t go to sleep even though i know i need every ounce of strength in me tomorrow to haul my luggage onto and off the train. i’m tiny and that is a major workout for me! i’d like to apologize to anyone who’ll sit next to me on the train and plane for sweating (and smelling) LIKE CRAZY!

i’ll be going back to grad school. i’m 29 and going for my second masters. other people my age get kids, i get some education ;-) lol

franzi

weekends are for loser

this weekend is crazy busy.

my sister and her boyfriend just left to take more things of mine to my mom’s. what is left now is just smaller things i will either give away or toss.

in a few hours someone will stop by to pick up a wardrobe, my tv table and my fold-away chairs. tomorrow my sofa, my chaise longue, my tv, and hopefully my desk will be picked up. all separate of course because it’s so much more fun this way.

as a result by tomorrow evening i will have nothing left to sit on but the floor. oh yay! guests are still welcome it’s just that it’ll be uncomfortable. sorry folks. which reminds me, i should probably let the friends who will definitely be visiting know. ;-) i don’t want them to be shocked by my profound display of hospitality.

already yesterday i dropped off books that i don’t need anymore at the local library, and donated shoes i am no longer wearing at a shoe store (in exchange for a shopping voucher). plus i packed for my sister. all that with temperatures around 30 degrees celsius.

if i add up yesterday and today i walked up and down my stairs about 30 times. and i live on the fourth floor. that’s a lot of stairs and a lot of sweat. let’s not fool ourselves, i would love to pretend i am all ladylike and don’t sweat but i do and at times it feels like i’m a fountain.

my body is calling for a break, especially in this heat. i’ll try to take things slow and keep hydrated. it’s a lot. moving is no fun no more.

franzi

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