the big news

first of all, i have to apologize. for the last 9 months or so i have been hinting at and casually mentioning some news that i wanted to share but that it wasn’t time just yet (OMG i realize that this sounds like i was pregnant, but i’m not! no child for me! it just happened to be about 9 months of planning and waiting thus far…i don’t think i could keep baby news to myself). and i want to thank those who knew what was going on but kept it a secret. but most of all i want to thank those of you who cheered me on, who wished me luck, who had their fingers crossed when tests or deadlines were approaching and who just were there for me despite me being a mental mess. thank you!

yesterday i received some great great news. ok, one could argue i received it 2 weeks prior but i like to have things in writing and the in writing part didn’t arrive until yesterday. so now that it’s sort of official and i can truly feel like this is happening i can open up to a wider public about it.

last spring/summer i made the decision to go back to school for another master degree. back in april i looked up various schools online and narrowed down what i wanted to do and where. my plan was to enroll in a program in the states so aside from finding a program i also needed a school that provides scholarships that would be – at least in theory – attainable to me.

due to my current work i’m the first one to tell you that grades and test scores aren’t everything but when it comes to scholarships suddenly people are magically drawn back to these supposedly objective test scores. and i had to realize that my old gre results are not sufficient to make me a candidate that could be considered for a scholarship. so back in july i decided to take up the challenge again and study for the gre again, five years after my last test, in hopes of improving my score.

in the picture you can see the books i studied with. the big ones have about 400 to 600 pages each. i know, it’s crazy but i guess you do what you have to do?!

so i studied somewhat committed…it’s difficult to study super hard when you have months to go and haven’t even set a test date. just by coincidence i noticed that the test taking procedures had changed along with the test design. if i wanted to have my shot at a retake i needed to register for a november test date.

that’s when i realized i had to step up my game if i really wanted a scholarship and that’s when my days looked like this:

getting up at 7am – going to work – after 8 to 10 hour days (sometimes up to 18 hours since i often travel for work) come home and take a 20 minute nap – make dinner – eat dinner taking a maximum of 30 minutes – study for the gre until midnight or sometimes 1am – repeat

this schedule i kept for 5 or six weeks and it was a really hard time for me. i had no social life, and i felt bad for anyone who had to deal with the “private franzi” because i had nothing much to talk about because nothing but gre happened in my life. “work franzi” of course had  to keep it all to herself and that may have been the hardest part. i am friends, to varying degrees, with a number of my co-workers and i would have liked to tell them why i look so tired or seem absent minded at times. but i did not want any rumors to start (like “i’m quitting” or “i’m leaving”) when this was not the case at all.

oh and of course everyone who knew was sworn to secrecy – no hints on facebook (work’s on facebook), no mentioning whenever we were on a social outing and work friends were present, just basically they had to pretend they did not know a thing. and i’m sure in secret they wondered who else knew. ;-) sorry i put you through this folks!

so i lived a dull life and saw my challenge on november 16 when i took the gre. i was satisfied with the score (out of 170 points in each section i got verbal 161, quant 154…that could have been better!) and then proceeded to really work on my application. i asked for recommendation letters, which again is difficult if you try to keep your current employer out of the picture, and worked on my letter of motivation. that letter of motivation took an embarrassingly long time to finalize. a special thanks to my proof reader and feedback giver! <3

getting together my application documents took longer than anticipated but eventually, in january, i submitted my application and just a short three weeks later was told that i am admitted to the program. now, this is where the tension starts because i did not doubt being admitted (i don’t want to brag or anything but i think i fit the program well plus i have work experience which is typically sought after in master degree students) but needed a scholarship to finance this endeavor.

the letter stated that this decision is being made by mid-march so i had more waiting to do.

to sum it all up: the waiting came to an end yesterday when i found a real letter in my mailbox telling me i was selected for a merit award (full-tuition) and a graduate assistantship. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! this is actually happening! i can’t believe it!

my head is still spinning and i have so many decisions to make now. like when i am actually quitting my job, when i’m going to tell my supervisor, when i should cancel the lease for my apartment and what of all the crap that i have i will bring across the atlantic with me.

it’s a two year program with an optional third year of working so i am looking at at least three years away from “home”. so really, i should just go ahead and sell it all off and start new when/if i return. but even selling/ebay-ing it all off will take time and some planning.

oh, i am still debating wether i should detail the program and school here. as of now i want to keep it to myself but if you are curious just send me an email or write me on facebook.

i am very proud and happy and honored and confused and super happy that i was selected for this scholarship. it is an amazing opportunity to go back to school – tuition paid – to earn a second masters degree. and of course going back to the states is something that my heart and cosmopolitan feet don’t mind at all.

come august i’ll be a full-time student again!

franzi

it’s over! i have my life back!!

folks, it’s post-gre time and i’m loving it! i’m still a little beside myself but i can tell from my stats that more than one person is eager to know how it went so you’ll get the exclusive story tonight. as in now. NOW! read on!

but first off, thank you for your support! it’s been long four months!

i woke up several times last night and i could tell instantly that i was being nervous. i had trouble falling back asleep so when eventually it was my time to get up i didn’t feel all that rested and super awake as i wanted to be. the longer i was awake the more i noticed my nervousness so i decided to take one of my “calm-down pills”. it’s no drugs, it’s not even something that i think truly works if you don’t believe in it. it’s just a mix of valerian, hop, and some other natural stuff. this stuff is so “powerful” that one was sufficient to calm me down enough but not yet make me drowsy. taking a test and being drowsy is a big no-no obviously.

the test was scheduled to start at 1:30pm so i left by train in the morning to make sure i had enough time to actually travel to berlin, find the test center, and be all calm and relaxed when it would be my time to start the gre. all of this “getting there early” resulted in me being at the test center at noon. bummer. so i asked at the front desk if it would be possible to start the test earlier. they said i could but then i freaked out and said “ok, but now i need more time” and left again. stupid, i know.

so i sat in the lobby and contemplated my existence and eventually realized that waiting isn’t helping me a bit. so i did my oohm-shanti boom-chakka mental power thing aka “get your act together, you won’t die taking the test, just get this over with, don’t be a sissy, don’t you dare forget about probabilities!”.

i rang the bell to the test center again and thankfully the staff member greeted me with an open funny smirk and not with an annoyed look. i had to sign some papers, went through the check-in procedures, peed one last time (very important in a timed test that only has one scheduled 10 minute break after 1 hour 45 minutes!), emptied my pockets for one final check and then entered the test room.

you probably don’t know this but the complete test center is equipped with video surveillance. the actual test room is more or less sound proof, there are video cameras in all four corners and the individual test computers are separated by cubicle walls. you are not allowed to bring into the room anything besides your ID and the locker key. not even tissues. scratch paper, pencils, tissues and even ear plugs were provided. once you’re seated the operator starts the test and you’re good to go.

in the first two sections i had to write an essay. for confidentiality reasons i can’t go into the prompts i was given to write about but they were general enough for me to come up with two essays of five paragraphs each. that was the easy part. after the essays is when the real test starts. there are two verbal sections requiring you to show of your knowledge of rather random, hardly ever used vocabulary, and two quantitative sections requiring you to show how much of 10th grade math you remember. in addition, there is one section that is being used to try new test questions but because you don’t know which of the five sections is the trial one you have to do your best on all of them. each of these sections is 30 or 35 minutes long and contains 20 questions. even if you’re not good at math you can tell that that’s not a whole lot of time for each question.

first section i got was verbal and that went ok. after that i had my only break (10 minutes) and i used that to eat, drink, pee, motivate myself, rest my eyes, and i tried not to freak. back on my chair i started the next section – math, oh boy. i felt ok but there were definitely some questions that i had no clue about what i was doing. next up another verbal section which felt very easy (and that got me wondering how terrible i must have done before because the test is adaptive and easy questions mean lower level overall). obviously, it’s not healthy to start thinking these thoughts but come on, i’m only human. next up math again – weird but better than the first time around, and one final verbal section. this one was more difficult than the second one so i started to wonder if the middle one was the trial section. again, not healthy to think about trial or not.

whatever, eventually after over four hours i was done. done with the questions and done mentally. but that’s not the final clicks you have to make. you have to decide if you actually want to report your score (and see the result) or cancel it. obviously, after such a long time of preparation and frustration i wanted to know how i did.

the test scoring was recently changed, from 1600 overall – 800 for quant and verbal each to 170 maximum per section. so there i was, making my final clicks, confirming that yes, i want to see my scores. and confirming that yes, i really do want to see my scores and my previous click was indeed correct. so i made that click and didn’t believe my eyes. i actually had 161 verbal and 152 quant. 161!!! holy sh!t this looks darn awesome and though i have to wait on the official score report i actually left about 89% of test takers behind me. it was my goal to get 155 in each section so overall i achieved my goal.

i called a few special people, finally had lunch and went back to the train station still in a daze. i’m still baffled. 161!

i truly hope that this score helps me to do what i want to do (more on that later this year or early next year). now i just want my life back, meet friends, enjoy my free time!

thank you, thank you, thank you for all your support, your messages, and your positive thoughts. it truly helped! wow, i still can’t believe it.

franzi

bring it on life!

i guess i really have to do this now – i just booked the train ticket to take me to the test center on wednesday.

am i freaking out? i feel like i’m beyond freaking. i’m giving in to my fate. i study, i study, i rest, i study (and yes, i hang out online), and i study some more. this better be paying off because it’s been a while that i have been devoting so much time and effort for something. and i am a person that likes to see results. yes, it’s the way that matters more than achieving the goal blabla but REALLY i’d like to see a result here. skip the way and give me the result!

my place is really looking like a mess by now. i’m not talking my usual mess, i am talking MESS! but come wednesday evening i can use my new found free time to clean and scrub and sweep and toss. wow, a whole new life is awaiting me! bring it on life, i just want this to be over.

franzi

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